I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
