If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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