Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My apartment stinks of burning failure
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
