Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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