So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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