i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
