i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
