actually, I'm a sock model
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
