I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize