I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
