why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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