Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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