So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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