Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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