Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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