Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
