Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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