I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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