Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
