if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So here I am, sexting at work.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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