Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
