so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
