those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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