Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
