Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
