Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
