I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
