I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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