so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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