Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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