Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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