we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
