when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
