You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
