i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
