Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
