...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
