Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
