I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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