I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
