once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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