Whod you bang
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
where does the pee come out of this thing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
