Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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