i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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