I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
