Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
