the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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