My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
