You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
