I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
