Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just invented taco cereal.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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