i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
