Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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