I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
