Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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