I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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