I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
