Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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