I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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