Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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