I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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