took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
