They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
