Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
