My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
