Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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