Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
