you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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