I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
