It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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