Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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