he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's like heaven, but drunker
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
