Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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