in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
