i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
