Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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