So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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