I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
