If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
