Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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