Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
