i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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