sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
