Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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