How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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