Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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